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精彩短评:
作者:keke 发布时间:2021-08-01 23:35:56
谢谢怡宝,yyds
作者:任自游 发布时间:2024-03-29 20:11:59
一小时就能读完第一册,很多小故事弯弯绕、花花肠,但不可否认,确实是现实生活中很多人的心思。
世事洞明皆学问,人情练达即文章。能做到,固然好,是有利于功成名就的好。做不到,也不差,真诚待人这一招足以吃遍天下。
作者:郭琳静Grace 发布时间:2017-09-27 08:40:18
我用PR的方法,读完了这本书。历时1小时左右。
后来我突然意识到,我其实曾经用过PR,那时我正在微博上批阅大家的作业。我当时还跟阳哥说,我出现散眼,不需要逐字看,都能get到大家打卡的内容。
但我没意识到,其实可以把当时德状态迁移到阅读上。
作者:bjtam 发布时间:2021-11-11 14:16:24
好看
作者:SundayQoQ 发布时间:2016-01-07 14:11:28
唐末的事儿,朝代的背景啦风土人情啦写的很深入具体,略略觉得会起鸡皮疙瘩的尴尬地方是,唐代名人太多了吧,主角会遇见各种诗人之类的,“卡!喂那个写诗的,入镜太多了啊,你是给自己加戏的么?”
作者:淡蓝码头 发布时间:2023-02-25 12:02:02
挺欢乐的一本,虽然有个才子佳人的酸壳子,但本质是一出滑稽剧,倒也不觉得熏人
深度书评:
群星闪耀的银河“中世纪” ——重述《基地三部曲》
作者:Philo 发布时间:2015-03-13 19:27:41
帝国正在衰亡,科学家(心理史学)哈里,谢顿,根据自己的方程式,预测到帝国的灭亡,而人类要经历三万年的蛮荒岁月,第二帝国才会自废墟中崛起。但是,若能修正某些现有的历史条件,“大断层”或可减至一千年。为了达到这个目的,谢顿建立了端点科学基地与川陀“隐修院”。帝国的伟大复兴是否将如谢顿所愿,奠基于端点与川陀、“宗教”与科学的综合之上?
(银河在上,请让“中世纪”来得更早,走得更快…
—哈里·谢顿)
《银河帝国1·基地》
基地成立五十年,而帝国正如谢顿所预言,衰败始于边缘。银河边隅之地,王国林立,诸侯四起,帝国虽然账面上还持存着宗主权,实际上的权腕与控制早已不复往昔。
此时的端点基地,正在基地第一任伟大“主教”兼行政首长赛佛·哈定的带领下,以“一个中心,两个基本点”(科技建设为中心,坚持科教合一,坚持对外开放)开始了复兴之路。哈定通过向基地周边蛮族王国进行科学与宗教的打包输出,实现了对王国看似无关痛痒的绝对控制,而蛮族国王对此始料未及,第二次谢顿危机正是起于某个蛮族首领对于科教合一影响的错误估计。当蛮族试图依仗强大的军事实力攻击“圣城”。基地主教哈定,正如中世纪若干伟大的教皇对世俗君主所做的一样,举起权杖,对蛮族国施用了世俗最高惩戒之“教禁”(即禁止一切宗教活动,相当于雅典娜之惊叹之于圣斗士,元老院最终劝告之于古罗马人),瞬间,国王头上象征着王权神赐的灵光灭失,全城一片黑暗,由于王国所有的科技岗都是由虔诚的教士所占据,“教禁”更使得整个王国的生活陷入停摆。最终,圣城完好,而背叛者的灵魂被永远流放在冰冷的太空中…
(《帝国》中,为了巩固政权,以便更好统治人民,四王国的国王接受了神话自己的科学性宗教;在中世纪,基于同样的目的,蛮族首领则将基督教奉为圭臬。区别在于,中世纪的世俗首领们牢牢钳制着分封教士的封地及其所蕰养的世俗权力,并时刻对教皇权威在其领土的扩张保持警惕;在《帝国》中,基地在其他王国创造了以科学为载体的世俗“统治”,而对于教士所垄断的“科学封地”,国王们却显得目光短浅。)
在基地成立后的第二个世纪,基地继续秉持着“一个中心,两个基本点”的基本路线。在扩张过程中,有两点是值得注意的:一方面,作为基地扩张的先锋部队,行商阶级的兴起壮大;另一方面,在不断扩张的过程中,世俗首领们渐渐察觉到科教“圣城”的世俗野心,他们发现,“圣城”所信奉的,不是“让国王的归国王,端点的归端点”式的纯粹的精神教条,而是“不要让道德观阻止你做正确的事”、哈定式的实用主义。
第三次谢顿危机,正是基于科教政策在扩张中的乏力而激起的,以行商为代表的主张贸易输出的改革派与坚持科教合一的对外政策的保守派之间关于端点基地最高权力的角力。行商代表马洛认为:在谢顿计划中,宗教已然功成身退,现在,靠贸易关系和他国建立亲密邦谊,要比借助不可靠的宗教宰制来得更有效。事实证明,马洛是对的。
(对于真诚的异教徒抑或无神论者而言,外来宗教的强行归化无异于一种令人憎恨的霸权,而对于那些把宗教仅仅当作是一种“交换”的民众,一般意义上的宗教则显得那么的轻浮与不牢固(功能意义上)。当世俗君主开始重视对于“科学封地”的控制,科教政策在扩张的道路上渐渐式微。
取代讲究控制与秩序的科教政策的,是提倡谦逊、和平、正义的贸易政策。虽然资本主义德性暂时填补了宗教激情,并带来了繁荣与稳定,但是我们不能忘了,资本主义的上位本身就是一种创新与激进,而引领这一历史潮流的,亦是一位激情的、不拘于传统的伟大行商。这种血性激情与资本主义精神之间存在着一种矛盾,而下一代基地人所面对的挑战,便寓于这一宿命的矛盾张力之中。)
《银河帝国2·基地与帝国》
凭借优越的科技,通过科教政策与贸易手段,端点基地逐一吞并了脱离帝国而自立的大小军阀,接着,它将面临的是与帝国残躯的正面冲突。
对垒双方:一边是新起的,怀着复兴梦的商业帝国,另一边则是因询守旧、自以为是的式微帝国。
对垒将领:端点基地的首领不再是如哈定、马洛般强势、果决的硬汉,取而代之的是讲求和平的布尔乔亚小市民。小市民在战场上要面对的,将是古老帝国最后一位伟大的将领,一个智慧、有野心,同时又满怀尚武精神的古典男人。
这场战争的结局看起来是戏剧性的,当里欧斯将军强大的星舰团横越广袤太空,即将兵临基地为古老帝国立下赫赫武功,克里昂二世却以“莫须有”召回里欧斯并下狱。这样,基地端点也就死里逃生。当然,这也只是“看起来”。
(第四次谢顿危机的主要内容,不仅仅是新兴帝国与古老帝国之间的争战,也是所谓的布尔乔亚式的文明与野蛮之间的碰撞。对于最后基地戏剧性的死里逃生,我相信,即便不是因由皇帝的自由意志,川陀的卫道士(第二基地)完全有能力对第一帝国进行控制,进而保护基地,将谢顿计划拨入正轨。而我更愿意将这次危机解释为一种提醒,即如果没有川陀卫道士的保驾护航,布尔乔亚式的文明人能否在勇武、毫无道德可言的野蛮人面前,保障自身的安全,维系文明的存续?
第四次谢顿危机告诉我们的是:文明的存续,依然需要骄傲与血气,现代人常常忘记,布尔乔亚也需要一点野蛮。)
历史总是惊人的相似。基地已经存在了三个世纪,而近一个世纪以来,帝国的一切积弊都在基地重演:惰性、专制、分配不均。最要命的是,基地人沉溺在对于谢顿计划宗教式的狂热之中,而丧失了文明人最基本的审慎与进取之心。这种毫无保留的信任意味着:这种信念与依赖不会轻易动摇,然而一旦动摇,就会造成全面性难以复回的精神崩溃。
这份极致恐惧,基地人没有等得太久,一个具有强大精神力量(操纵人类情感)的异能者以迅雷不及掩耳之势征服了银河土地、击溃了基地,也“摧败”了谢顿信仰。他就是:骡。如果要用一句台词作为骡向世人的开场白,当然是这句:“我希望在我介绍完自己前,你们都还活着”。事实是,还没开始介绍…
虽然第一基地已然覆灭,但是值得庆幸的是,一个善良、勇敢的女人暂时阻却了异能者对于第二基地,也就是我所说的川陀“隐修院”的寻迹。但是,为什么骡没有对她使用异能来达到目的?骡的回答是:“我是一个孤儿,一个畸形者,而她是唯一一个看到我就发自内心喜欢我的人,我太过珍惜这份自然的情感,所以我没有选择去触碰她的心灵。” 这就是代价。
(骡的象征意义:
异端宗教与世俗君主:
宗教改革时期,罗马正统的危机正是始于精神领域与政治领域敌人—宗教异端和世俗君主的紧密结合(德意志封建主们对于路德教派的坚决庇护与促成)。在《帝国》中,骡的精神异能,在功能意义上与宗教殊途同归,在能力上,异能附带攫取世俗权力的助益影响,更为关键的是异能对于谢顿信仰摧枯拉朽的蚕食(获取忠诚),这就使得骡能在短时间建立起政教合一的强大的帝国,成为加强版的默罕默德。当然,骡是不能繁衍后代的,那宗教与政权的交合又如何?这是一个开放的问题。
自由意志与宿命论(决定论):
骡的横空出世,体现了对两种对待世界的不同观点(认识上的宿命论与实践上的自由意志)的肯定。认识上的宿命论,就是说,在我们意图认识某人某物的时候,在一切都是由充分的自然原因造成的这个层面上,是被决定的,是宿命论的。
实践上的自由意志,也就是说,在我们正在行动或做决定时,我们无法以这种决定论的方式来考虑自己。无论你如何了解那些不同的原因和因素,你也无法完全预测你自己的行为。某种程度上说,你就是在通过自己的决定来不断塑造那些原因和因素。所以我们要相信,在实践上我们时刻都是要自由,都是要对自己负责的。
异能者骡便是《帝国》中自由意志最大气磅礴的缩影。他相信,对于命运女神最好的回应就是迎击,哪怕最终被吞没,那也只是在盖棺定论之时。同样,骡的出现也是对基地人在谢顿计划上实践层面的“被决定”的一种批判与否定。基地人伪宿命论的谬误在于,一方面它忽视了“穷尽一切”的不能及其所带来的概率性,更重要的是它专注于“认识”却无视了“实践”,丧失了在实践上应有的进取心和责任意识。
世界给予骡的负, 是残缺的身体,是独身的孤寂;而世界给予骡的正,是某种程度上可以弥补残缺与孤寂的精神异禀。骡的痛苦在于,从来没有人真正喜欢他,当他意识到自己的异能,他便疯狂地将异能施于普罗大众,并沉溺在这种集体性的“喜欢”之中。而这种“喜欢”,仅仅是因由于“宗教蛊惑”的忠诚,他不是真正的快乐,却也没有理由止步。直到贝泰的出现,他是真正的快乐,却也收不回步子走了。
骡的英雄气概,那就是对于命运的反戈,骡的奴性,那就是—他反戈的还是命运…
《银河帝国3·第二基地》
这是一个讲述《第二基地去哪儿了》的传奇故事…
《第二基地去哪儿了》第一季:正统的复辟
在第一银河帝国与基地组织相继瓦解后,骡是历史上第一位拥有统一版图、疆域直逼真正帝国的统治者。但是,第二基地的存在犹如芒刺在背,让骡惴惴不安,于是,骡便不遗余力地开始寻找第二基地,以便将其铲除;于此同时,川陀隐修院(第二基地)所面对的,是被强烈扭曲的谢顿计划与对他们怀有深深恶意的扭曲局面的始作俑者:拥有无双精神异禀的骡。川院孤注一掷,将骡诱骗至“伪基地”,惊险地完成了对骡的宗教归化,从而成功将谢顿计划拨乱反正。
(阿西莫夫对于第二基地的宗教定位,其实是宗教领袖遁于隐世宗教团体的奇思妙想。第二基地,即秉承着隐离尘世而追求完美的修道主义,又满怀着对于世俗事务的责任感与野心,故称其为川陀“隐修院”。隐修院的卫道士们不仅通过修炼后天培养了类似骡的超能力,更“难能可贵”的是卫道士中不乏具备卓越政治权腕与世俗素养之辈。正是凭借精心的算计辅以超能力,卫道士们才顺利完成了对于骡的归化。
如果说在世俗意义上,归化过程的设计是合情也是合理的,那么在宗教意义上,对骡,一个对于自己“信仰”偏执的笃定者,这般轻易的归化则显得过于唐突:
骡:“一开始让我改信的时候,其实我是,是拒绝的。你不能让我信我就信啊。但是,你把特技加到我身上的时候,Duang一下,我就信了!)
《第二基地去哪儿了》第二季:基地的“长大”
距离骡的覆亡过去了整整一个世代,在他死后,基地随即复兴,并再次成为一个商业联邦的中心。于此同时,对于川陀隐修院的守护与控制,端点基地渐渐显露出了不适与逆反。同骡一样,端点基地踏上了第二基地的寻迹之路,欲除之而后快。幸运的是,卫道士们继承了第二基地信仰与世俗禀赋并重的优良传统,通过缜密的计划,最终以五十名卫道士以身殉道的代价换取了第二基地的安全藏匿。
(阅读《基地三部曲》的方式有很多种:
你可以把它当作一本讲述银河帝国衰败与兴盛的“中世纪史”来读:
王国林立的蛮荒时代、宗教的普世王国、资本主义的兴起、文明人与野蛮人的激烈碰撞,政教合一的银河“穆斯林”,宗教领袖与世俗君主的角力等等。每一个情境都不禁使人联想到古罗马帝国“衰亡”的那段奇妙时光。
你也可以把它当作一本为个人成长提供教导的书来读:
每个人成长的孩提阶段都需要母亲与父亲的关爱,母爱是一种祝福,是庇佑,不需要去赢得他,也不用为此付出努力;同父亲的关系则完全不同,父亲不体现为一种自然渊源,父爱是有条件的:我爱你,是因为你顺从,因为你履行了义务,因为你像我。(我谈到母爱或者父爱是指理想典型,并不代表现实中父母亲都是如此)母亲的作用,是给予孩子自信与安全感,而父亲的任务则是教会孩子尊重传统,懂得如何面对世界,并承担责任。一个人成熟的标志,就在于内化母亲与父亲的外部形象,并将两种良知进行综合,并使其保持良好的互动。
第二基地所充当的就是父亲与母亲的双重角色。在第一基地的孩提时期,一方面,第二基地无条件“哺乳”着第一基地,并保证他们的安全,另一方面,第二基地坚持谢顿计划对于第一基地的绝对“监护”,并示以权威。第一基地就是在第二基地的呵护与苛责中,渐渐“长大”。《基地3》下篇所描述的,就是一个孩子试图脱离父母亲的外部形象(摆脱第二基地的监管与呵护),而父母亲选择主动将自己内化(营造第二基地消失的假象并帮助第一基地树立信心)的过程。
你还可以把它当作一本政治著作来读:
谢顿设立端点基地与川陀“隐修院”,一个执管科学,一个培育宗教(好比耶路撒冷与雅典)。前者被理解为理性、民主与科学,后者则表现为忠诚、信仰与责任。而帝国的伟大复兴正是奠基于科学与宗教的多元互动。
两者的互动并不是此消彼长,而是一个不断矛盾,冲突中又孕育着融合的过程。《基地》所描绘的正如现实世界一般:科技不断发展,带来世俗性的不断增强,宗教开始寻求新的定位。《基地》中,卫道士通过让自己“消失”成功转移了世俗者的注意,并继续保有对世俗事务的影响。
此外,它就最佳政制的问题为我们提供了一份充满想象力的独一无二的素材,这个将在基地后传中予以展开。
最后,你可以把它当作一本追问自由的书来看:
“银河啊!一个人要何时才能确知自己不是傀儡?又要如何才能确知自己不是傀儡?”
)
做人做事的普遍原则
作者:Hammer_ 发布时间:2012-02-03 18:21:57
Before we commence reading How To Win Friends And Influence People, we should first realize that this book had been written to be used to as textbook for the author's course in Effective speaking and Human relationship and it still used for today.
So please not categorize this book as Self-help or Motivational book which often be degraded by those who unceasingly declaim how badly they hate this sort of things.
Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem we face, especially if you are in business. Those principles can apply to all walks of people.
If you wish to get the most out of this book, there is one indispensable requirement, one essential infinitely more important than any rule or technique. Unless you have this one fundamental requisite, a thousand rules on how to study will avail little.
What is this magic requirement? Just this: a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people.
Once you believe,that works.
“Education,” said the author “is the ability to meet life’s situations,”
If by the time you have finished reading the first three chapters of this book- if you aren’t then a little better equipped to meet life’s situations, then I shall consider this book to be a total failure so far as you are concerned. For “the great aim of education,” said the author, “is not knowledge but action.”
And this is an action book :)
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readingnote:
第一大章:怎样赢得朋友
原则一:永远不要去批评别人
很精辟,我们应该转换方式,让他们自己发现,或者用一种温和,婉转的方式,反之就算是中肯的批评也是有害无利
1.ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people don’t criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be.
2.Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment
3.Let’s realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return or, like the gentle Taft, will say: “I don’t see how I could have done any differently from what I have.
4.每当我们想要批评别人的时候,想想这句话:“I don’t see how I could have done any differently from what I have”Judge not, that ye be not judged
5.最真诚的忠告------勿责人,常思已过:Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it, But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others - yes, and a lot less dangerous. “Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof,” said Confucius, “when your own doorstep is unclean.”
6.每个人都是感性的动物:When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
7.我们应该做的:Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.”
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原则二 如何与人打交道---Give honest and sincere appreciation
1、(有道理!)There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it. Remember, there is no other way.
2.每个人都得到赞扬啊:The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between mankind and the animals
3. 赞扬和奉承的区别:The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out,the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish,the other selfish. One is universally admired, the other universally condemned.
4.多点发自内心的感激,别吝啬对我们爱的人的赞扬:When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person’s good points, we won’t have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth
5. 真的是这样呢:Let’s cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let’s try to figure out the other person’s good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,” and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime -repeat them years after you have forgotten them
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原则三. 去谈论人家感兴趣的事----Arouse in the other person an eager want
1.少谈自己,谈大家的兴趣和利益所在:So the only way cm earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to get somebody to do something. If, for example, you don’t want your children to smoke, don’t preach at them, and don’t talk about what you want? but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash.(销售的人应该学学,学会从他人的角度看问题)
2.If out of reading this book you get just one thing- an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle - if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career.
3、我们的目的不是为了操纵人,而是实现双赢:Looking at the other person’s point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment
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第二大章:怎样让人喜欢你
原则一:Become genuinely interested in other people--对他人感兴趣
1.If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people -things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness
2.If we want to make friends, let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the telephone use the same psychology
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原则二:经常微笑
1.Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you, You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them. A baby’s smile has the same effect
2.A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.”Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. Especially when that someone is under pressure from his bosses, his customers, his teachers or parents or children, a smile can help him realize that all is not hopeless -that there is joy in the world.
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原则三:记住别人的名字
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
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原则四: 做一个好的听众,让别人去谈论自己(Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves)
So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. A boil on one’s neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation
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原则五:谈别人感兴趣的事(Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. )
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原则六:承认对方的优点和对自己的重要性(Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely)
The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely. Remember what Emerson said: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.
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第三大章:How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
原则一:避免和人辩论,因为你永远不会赢---这个,偶觉得还是方式的问题,不过还是尽量避免好了,因为没啥意义啊!:)The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it,and if you win it, you lose it. Why?Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot This argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis.Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And A man convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still
If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes, but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good wil
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独立一段,关于怎样应对argument的建议:
一 不同的见解是有益的:Welcome the disagreement. Remember the slogan, “When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.” If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.
二:(别相信你的第一直觉印象--适用于异见)Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best
三(控制你的脾气)Control your temper. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry. Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Don’t build higher barriers of misunderstanding.
四:求同存异:Look for areas of agreement. When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which
you agree.
五:诚实: Be honest, Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your
opponents and reduce defensiveness.
六:Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully. And mean it. Your opponents may be right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: “We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.”
七:感谢你的对手:Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
八:给点时间给对方(很重要,很多时候回头看,会觉得当时狠傻,没必要为这问题吵,也从另一方面得出,和人去争论什么,真的没啥意义)Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem
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原则二:别告诉别人自己比他们要高明
这段狠有哲理,别证明自己比其他人聪明,就算知道,也别告诉他
That is a challenge. It arouses opposition and makes the listener want to battle with you before you even start. It is difficult, under even the most benign conditions, to change people’s minds. So why make it harder? Why handicap yourself? If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it.
This was expressed succinctly by Alexander Pope: Men must be taught as if you taught them not And things unknown proposed as things forgot.
Over three hundred years ago Galileo said: You cannot teach a man anything? you can only help him to find it within himself.
As Lord Chesterfield said to his son: Be wiser than other people if you can? but do not tell them so.
(勇于承认错误是最对的)You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open and broad-minded as you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong
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原则三:勇于认错
When we are right, let’s try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong and that will be surprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves - let’s admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm. Not only will that technique produce astonishing results? but, believe it or not, it is a lot more
fun, under the circumstances, than trying to defend oneself.
Remember the old proverb: "By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”
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原则四:以友好的方式开始 Begin in a friendly way.
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原则五: Get the other person saying “yes, yes”
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原则六:Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
(这里和上面有点重复了,其实这里有很多原则是共通的)
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原则七:Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
卡内基是个中国通,他引用了好多中国古代的谚语和道德经的东西:
" The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, put himself below them, wishing to be before them, he put himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight,though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.”
海纳百川,有容乃大
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如果仅仅把这书当做是快餐书,励志书,成功学,
真的很可惜,
这书流传这么久真有它的道理,一些自以为是的“读书人”可能不屑看这类书,替他们遗憾。
一本值得反复看的经典之作,最重要是去实践上述的原则,
要记住:“This is an action book.”
2012.2.3
By Hammer
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